Showing posts with label office email. Show all posts
Showing posts with label office email. Show all posts

Dad how was I born - Masala Joke

 
Pappu: Dad how was I born


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Dad: well son, your Mom & I got to gether at 'YAHOO'

we set us a date via E-Mail, & Met in a cyber cafe,

Your Mom agreed to dowload data from my PEN DRIVE,

JUST when I was about to "Transfer"

we realised that none of us have installed "FIREWALL"

IT was too late to DELETE

9 months later a POP-UP Window appeared & said


YOU HAVE GOT A MALE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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some teacher student jokes!!

some teacher student jokes!!
Teacher - Teacher
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
-------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Sachin & Sourav when 85 years old.....

Sachin and Ganguly, 75 and 80 years old are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, like they do every day Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"

Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They sake on it and sadly a few months later, poor Sachin passes away.

One day Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav, Sourav!"

Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?"

"Yes whispers Sachin's ghost.

Ganguly asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?" "Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.

Sachin says, "Well there is cricket in heaven." Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Sachin sighs and whispers, "You and me, We are going to open the innings on Friday."



Email IDs of Indian Cricketers - FUN

LAXMAN: available@home-only


KUMBLE: only@test_match


SACHIN: admitted@hospital


KAIF: good@for_nothing


SEHWAG: consistently@ out_of_form


DRAVID: stick@crease_like_fevicol


PATHAN: takewickets@only_with_ kenya


GREG CHAPPELL: only_experiment@noresult


Munaf Patel: only_line&length@nospeed


Harbhajan Singh: no_spinpitch@nowicket


Suresh Raina: why_i_am_there@ god_knows


Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,
If you don't you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,
If you don't you are not understanding.

If you visit her often, you are boring,
If you don't she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, she says you are a dull guy.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,
If she is late, she says it is a girls way.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,
If you kiss her often, she yells you are taking advantage.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

IN SHORT...
So simple, yet so complex,
So weak, yet so powerful,
So confusing, yet so desirable,
So daming, yet so wonderful... WOMEN !


Jab North Met South - Marriage Invitation


What makes life 100%?

 
What makes life 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

but:

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

and:

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you...

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :)

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Narayana Murthy & Sudha Murty Love story(Infosys Technologies , Former Chairman)

NRN & Sudha Murty Love story

Love Story of Narayana Murthy and Sudha (From
Sudha's Autobiography)

It was in Pune that I met Narayan Murty through my
friend Prasanna who is
now the Wipro chief, who was also training in Telco.
Most of the books
that Prasanna lent me had Murty's name on them which
meant that I had a
preconceived image of the man. Contrary to
expectation, Murty was shy,
bespectacled and an introvert. When he invited us
for dinner.I was a bit
taken aback as I thought the young man was making a
very fast move. I
refused since I was the only girl in the group. But
Murty was relentless
and we all decided to meet for dinner the next day
at 7.30 p.m. at Green
Fields hotel on the Main Road ,Pune. The next day I
went there at 7' o
clock since I had to go to the tailor near the
hotel. And what do I see?
Mr. Murty waiting in front of the hotel and it was
only seven.

Till today, Murty maintains that I had mentioned
(consciously!) that I
would be going to the tailor at 7 so that I could
meet him...And I
maintain that I did not say any such thing
consciously or unconsciously
because I did not think of Murty as anything other
than a friend at that
stage. We have agreed to disagree on this matter.
Soon, we became friends.
Our conversations were filled with Murty's
experiences abroad and the
books that he has read. My friends insisted that
Murty as trying to
impress me because he was interested in me. kept
denying it till one fine
day, after dinner Murty said, I want to tell you
something. I knew this as
it. It was coming. He said, I am 5'4" tall. I come
from a lower middle
class family. I can never become rich in my life and
I can never give you
any riches. You are beautiful, bright, and
intelligent and you can get
anyone you want. But will you marry me? I asked
Murty to give me some time
for an answer.

My father didn't want me to marry a wannabe
politician, (a communist at
that) who didn't have a steady job and wanted to
build an orphanage...
When I went to Hubli I told my parents about Murty
and his proposal. My
mother was positive since Murty was also from
Karnataka, seemed
intelligent and comes from a good family.But my
father asked: What's his
job, his salary, his qualifications etc? Murty was
working as a research
assistant and was earning less than me. He was
willing to go dutch with me
on our outings. My parents agreed to meet Murty in
Pune on a particular
day at10 a. m sharp.Murty did not turn up. How can I
trust a man to take
care of my daughter if he cannot keep an
appointment, asked my father. At
12noon Murty turned up in a bright red shirt! He had
gone on work to
Bombay, was stuck in a traffic jam on the ghats, so
he hired a taxi(though
it was very expensive for him) to meet his would-be
father-in-law.

Father was unimpressed. My father asked him what he
wanted to become in
life.Murty said he wanted to become a politician in
the communist party
and wanted to open an orphanage. My father gave his
verdict. NO. I don't
want my daughter to marry somebody who wants to
become a communist and
then open an orphanage when he himself didn't have
money to support his
family. Ironically, today, I have opened many
orphanages something, which
Murty wanted to do 25 years ago. By this time I
realized I had developed a
liking towards Murty which could only be termed as
love. I wanted to marry
Murty because he is an honest man.He proposed to me
highlighting the
negatives in his life. I promised my father that I
will not marry Murty
without his blessings though at the same time, I
cannot marry anybody
else. My father said he would agree if Murty
promised to take up a steady
job. But Murty refused saying he will not do things
in life because
somebody wanted him to.So, I was caught between the
two most important
people in my life.

The stalemate continued for three years during which
our courtship took us
to every restaurant and cinema hall in Pune. In
those days, Murty was
always broke. Moreover, he didn't earn much to
manage. Ironically today,
he manages Infosys Technologies Ltd., one of the
world's most reputed
companies. He always owed me money. We used to go
for dinner and he would
say, I don't have money with me, you pay my share, I
will return it to you
later. For three years I maintained a book on
Murty's debt to me.. No, he
never returned the money and I finally tore it up
after my wedding. The
amount was a little over Rs 4000. During this
interim period Murty quit
his job as research assistant and started his own
software business. Now,
I had to pay his salary too!

Towards the late 70s computers were entering India
in a big way. During
the fag end of 1977 Murty decided to take up a job
as General Manager at
Patni Computers in Bombay. But before he joined the
company he wanted to
marry me since he was to go on training to the US
after joining. My father
gave in as he was happy Murty had a decent job, now.

WE WERE MARRIED IN MURTY'S HOUSE IN BANGALORE ON
FEBRUARY 10, 1978 WITH
ONLY OUR TWO FAMILIES PRESENT.I GOT MY FIRST SILK
SARI. THE WEDDING
EXPENSES CAME TO ONLY RS 800 (US $17) WITH MURTY AND
I POOLING IN RS 400
EACH.

I went to the US with Murty after marriage. Murty
encouraged me to see
America on my own because I loved travelling. I
toured America for three
months on backpack and had interesting experiences
which will remain
freshin my mind forever. Like the time when the New
York police took me
into custody because they thought I was an Italian
trafficking drugs in
Harlem . Or the time when I spent the night at the
bottom of the Grand
Canyon with an old couple. Murty panicked because he
couldn't get a
response from my hotel room even at midnight. He
thought I was either
killed or kidnapped.

IN 1981 MURTY WANTED TO START INFOSYS. HE HAD A
VISION AND ZERO
CAPITAL...initially I was very apprehensive about
Murty getting into
business. We did not have any business background ..
Moreover we were
living a comfortable life in Bombay with a regular
pay check and I didn't
want to rock the boat. But Murty was passionate
about creating good
quality software. I decided to support him. Typical
of Murty, he just had
a dream and no money. So I gave him Rs 10,000 which
I had saved for a
rainy day, without his knowledge and told him, This
is all I have. Take
it. I give you three years sabbatical leave. I will
take care of the
financial needs of our house. You go and chase your
dreams without any
worry. But you have only three years!

Murty and his six colleagues started Infosys in
1981,with enormous
interest and hard work. In 1982 I left Telco and
moved to Pune with Murty.
We bought a small house on loan which also became
the Infosys office. I
was a clerk-cum-cook-cum-programmer. I also took up
a job as Senior
Systems Analyst with Walchand group of Industries to
support the house. In
1983 Infosys got their first client, MICO, in
Bangalore . Murty moved to
Bangalore and stayed with his mother while I went to
Hubli to deliver my
second child, Rohan. Ten days after my son was born,
Murty left for the US
on project work. I saw him only after a year, as I
was unable to join
Murty in the US because my son had infantile eczema,
an allergy to
vaccinations. So for more than a year I did not step
outside our home for
fear of my son contracting an infection. It was only
after Rohan got all
his vaccinations that I came to Bangalore where we
rented a small house
in Jayanagar and rented another house as Infosys
headquarters. My father
presented Murty a scooter to commute. I once again
became ! a cook,
programmer, clerk, secretary, office assistant et
al. Nandan Nilekani (MD
of Infosys) and his wife Rohini stayed with us.
While Rohini babysat my
son, I wrote programs for Infosys. There was no car,
no phone, and just
two kids and a bunch of us working hard, juggling
our lives and having
fun while Infosys was taking shape. It was not only
me but also the wives
of other partners too who gave their unstinted
support. We all knew that
our men were trying to build something good. It was
like a big joint
family,taking care and looking out for one another.
I still remember
Sudha Gopalakrishna looking after my daughter
Akshata with all care and
love while Kumari Shibulal cooked for all of us.

Murty made it very clear that it would either be me
or him working at
Infosys. Never the two of us together... I was
involved with Infosys
initially. Nandan Nilekani suggested I should be on
the Board but Murty
said he did not want a husband and wife team at
Infosys. I was shocked
since I had the relevant experience and technical
qualifications. He
said, Sudha if you want to work with Infosys, I will
withdraw, happily. I
was pained to know that I will not be involved in
the company my husband
was building and that I would have to give up a job
that I am qualified
to do and love doing. It took me a couple of days to
grasp the reason
behind Murty's request.. I realized that to make
Infosys a success one had
to give one's 100 percent. One had to be focussed on
it alone with no
other distractions. If the two of us had to give 100
percent to Infosys
then what would happen to our home and our children?
One of us had to take
care of our home while the other took care of
Infosys. I opted to be a
homemaker, after all Infosys was Murty's dream. It
was a big sacrifice but
it was one that had to be made.

Even today, Murty says, Sudha, I stepped on your
career to make mine. You
are responsible for my success.
I might have given up my career for my husband's
sake. But that does not
make me a doormat

Jesus on the Beach..great pics

The 3 pictures below are a must see.. it's unbelievable that someone created this from sand.. take a look. How awesome.


Pictures below are from a beach in Maryland. Isn't the artwork awesome? Be sure to open up your screen all the way. The man creates new ones each day, as the ocean washes away his work every day.


Guess the answers ...

Guess the answers ...

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.


man
1. ------------
board


















Ans. = man overboard



stand
2. ------------
i














Ans. = I understand

OK?.... Got the drift? Let's try a few now and see how
you fair?


3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/














Ans. = reading between the lines



4. r
road
a
d














Ans. = cross road


5. cycle
cycle
cycle
















Ans. = tricycle


0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.


















Ans. = two degrees below zero


knee
7. ------------
light















Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)


ground
8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet

















Ans. = six feet underground








9. he's / himself















Ans. = he's by himself


10. ecnalg


















Ans. = backward glance


11. death ..... life






















Ans. = life after death


12. THINK


















Ans. think big !!

And the last one is real fundoo ..


13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....









Ans. long time no 'C' (see)

beautiful sayings to accept in life

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them. -Lou Holtz

Never explain yourself. Your friends dont need it and your enemies wont believe it. -Belgicia Howell

Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy

You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything. - Philippos

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. -Ann Landers

Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones. - Philippos

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. - Will Smith

If your problem has a solution then...why worry about it? If your problem doesnt have solution then...why worry about it? - Chinese Proverb

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything but happy

The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Pain never really goes away; you just elevate and get used to it by growing stronger. -Philippos

You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, remember what you had, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but remember life goes on!

Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are people who were hurt more than us. -Philippos

Our tears are what happens when it rains deep inside our hearts and we cannot hold the rain any longer.
-Philippos

I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not.

"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us." - Thomas Paine

The things that made me stronger are the ones that didnt let me sleep at first. -Anonymous




Lovely Hearts for Lovely People

Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People



Lovely Hearts for Lovely People

History of Microsoft Windows













Monkey of the Year - Fun

Monkey of the Year



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going_home_from_office .swf



Going Home From Office - video powered by Metacafe


Boss Reaction During Recession : for fun ...

Boss Reaction During Recession

Boss Reaction During Recession

beginning.....

Boss: Be good, you will be fine.




After a week
...
Must Work Hard man




After a month
...
Must Work Hard during recession you
know!



After a Quarter
....
Can you hear me, you must work hard!!!


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Funny SMS Jokes

1st joke

Once Amitabh Bachchan drove the car himself and made his driver to sit
at the back seat, the car passed away a signal and left the traffic
policeman astonished, the traffic policeman went to the second traffic
policeman and said, "Today I saw one of the richest man."
second policeman : "But who was he actually?"
first policeman : "I don't know the name but his driver was Amitabh
bachchan."

2nd joke

Once a sardharji was going in a train.When the train stopped in a
station,he wanted to have a bath.so he went and approached a man and
asked him the instructions of how to use the bathroom.The man
said,"Just press the buttons 1-10".So the went inside.He pressed the
button-1.It sent him inside.He pressed button-2.It took off all his
clothes.Then he thought that since he had pressed the buttons-1,2, he
must press the button-10(1- 10-1,2,10) .So he pressed the button 10.
Then you can assume what happened next(The button 10 will push the
person out.).

3rd joke

Five friends lived in a room, Namely are MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY..
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.
MAD: Is it police station ???
Police: Yes, what is the matter ???
MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY..
Police: Are you mad?
MAD: Yes, I"m MAD.
Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.
MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom....
Police: you FOOL...
MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke..  
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Alley alley bura laga....  

Nano car ka maaza ....


Edi Software Life--------Chaaaaa Yadava Batuku


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